How Did This Happen?

In order to understand why you are getting divorced you have to understand what makes a marriage last since 90% of us will marry in our lifetime. 50% of us will get divorced, 60% of second marriages and so on. We need to look at everything. One of the things that make a marriage last is it equitable. Are we equal?

Both parties bring things into the marriage. The question is these things equal? One person might bring and education, a high I.Q., or a good job. The other person is bringing physical attractiveness, social background or gentleness. Both parties must perceive these as equal and rewarding. If Communication is another key factor in making things work. It must open and validate your feelings. Expecting your partner to read your mind will not work. Now we have a marriage that is equitable and rewarding with communication that is open and validating what happened? Why are we getting divorced? I thought everything was perfect now everything is crumbling down around me.

Two things happen when a marriage ends in divorce:

1. The situation is different and has changed even if we didn't notice

2. The perception of the situation has changed "they" the other person sees differently.

Things in the marriage are no longer equitable. The communication has ended or changed. Someone has changed. This does not mean the person asking for the divorce is the one who changed or hasn't changed. It only means that one has occurred unless things can be made equitable again and the communication has returned the marriage will end. Both parties must be willing to try to make things equitable and bring back communication. So the question is can we marry again? It depends on the situation and each one is different and can change. But, if you love each other you will make it equitable after all love is a decision.

Debbie Krause aka Dr. Mama Love http://www.askdrmamalove.com answering all your questions on relationships, love, marriage and family issues. Ask you questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.